It’s been 3 weeks since I declared my break away from writing. This is the first time I’ve put pen to paper since. I feel restless this evening, hoping doing a bit of writing may help me to settle, allowing me to sleep.
Outside it has been a day of wind and rain, Storm Dennis on the warpath only days after Storm Ciara made her mark. Thankfully, other than having to make redirections on journeys, I’ve not had troubles like others unfortunately have. Because of the weather, I haven’t gone outside as much which may be a factor to my restlessness; cabin fever.
That hasn’t meant I’ve sat on the sofa watching telly all day. Think I’ve watched a max of 2 hours. I haven’t felt inclined to watch telly, much preferring to get uni work done. There is certainly a change in me compared to my previous enrolments at university. I was one to leave things to the last minute, causing me more stress, ultimately effecting my mental health and confidence, leading to the withdrawals.
Unless I’m on a shift, I’ve been spending a portion of my day sitting in the kitchen on the laptop doing some uni work/directed study. No matter how much I’m doing, the list is endless. I believe this is another factor to my restlessness. I think I would still be at the table, laptop on if it wasn’t for my 9 pm alarm.
This alarm, I set over a week ago now, every day regardless of my schedule, the alarm goes off at 9 pm. This is called Telly Off on my phone. No matter where I am in the programme/film/uni work, it stops and gets turned off. I’ve done this to put a boundary in place with myself and to promote a better night routine. Mostly I’ve got ready for bed and read. I’ve finished two books I had on the go since; Wild by Cheryl Strayed and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I’m hoping this will allow me to get better sleep and get me to feel I want to get up in the morning, alarm or not.
It’s great I’m feeling productive but I feel I may be reducing the fun in my life. Last week I did have a girls day with B for her birthday. Had some lunch, did some shopping and went to the cinema to see Birds of Prey. O lets not forget the gossip. I have planned for the week after next to go down south to my great aunt and uncles for 3 nights. So I’m hoping this will take my mind off uni for a small break.
I’m wanting to see my dad and step-mum and my brother, his wife and kids too soon as it has been a while since I’ve seen them all. Towards the end of last year, I did vow to go to my dads once a month, so far I haven’t met this. I have picked up the phone regularly to speak to him.
I may have been putting a lot on myself with uni but this hasn’t stopped me looking after myself in other ways. I’ve still been on my yoga mat daily and eating healthier meals. Although this week I seem not to be able to fill myself up. I’ve still been buying sweets and biscuits but I’ve decided to try baking again. I’ve half of what I need to make a few different selections, so I just need a small shop and I can get going with those.
My spending has been a bit hit and miss. I went over my clothes budget when out with B; buying 2 dresses and 2 yoga bras. I would have been okay if I said no to 1 of the dresses but I liked them both. I bought 2 rings at the beginning of the week and got a pair of earrings for free because I spent over a certain amount. I love the rings and I’m glad I have them but realistically I should have budgeted for them. I spent money again today; 1 item came out of a budget envelope and the 2 others didn’t. They were pens; with uni, I am using them having finished 3 pens off this week alone.
The other was a clip watch. Being on placement this week I’ve had to be bare below the elbows. I’ve not had a watch on and it has been really nice not having it around my wrist. I’ve not needed a fob watch on placement as there are plenty of clocks and the temperature equipment has a stopwatch. But for my main job, I’ll need something for when I’m on levels. I’ve seen another member of staff with a clipped watch on their belt. so I’ve taken their idea and got my own. This clipped watch will replace 2 items. The watch I was using and the fob watch I had from my previous job that doesn’t work anymore. So those are either going to the charity shop or in the bin.
I’ve mentioned placement. I’ve a two-week placement on a general ward, which I’m halfway through. I have mixed emotions about it from my first week. I don’t see it as a TNA friendly ward. For 2 shifts I shadowed a senior TNA who is due to qualify in June, and the other shift I was shadowing an HCA. Talking with the other TNAs it doesn’t seem like they get opportunities to shadow or learn nursing roles. Even the senior TNA hasn’t been able to do some of the nursing responsibilities and with so close to finishing that to me is concerning. The other thing that is concerning is the staffing and safety of the on the ward. Plus there being negativities between staff members.
Those I have worked with so far have been lovely and I really thank them for all they have done and showed me this week alone. But having a team that isn’t 100% happy isn’t the best working team. When there isn’t enough staff and patients attacking staff who aren’t trained to deal with a patient who is like that, on limited numbers of staff already. It doesn’t put me in a vote of confidence. I sometimes have thought my base was bad, there are incidents but staff are there supporting as quickly as they came even from other wards because we have alarms and are trained to deal with them if they happen. There are no staff alarms on a general ward. I’ll be interesting to see what the evaluation process of the placement is at the end; will it allow me to write the things I have here in more details? If not, I’ll be emailing the placement team.
It’s 23:13 pm and I still feel wide awake from. Storm Dennis is still going strong. I could probably eat a pizza right now but I’m not going to. I’ve an alarm set for the morning to give me time to do some yoga before I go to my mums to collect the plasterboards needed for my step-dad and me to do some work in the cellar. It’s the first thing done in my house since the laminate went down last month and I’m itching to get something started.
So I should be getting to bed and try to sleep.
Until next time lovely xoxo.